Monogamy – Is it Possible?

Posted in Dating, Let's be progressive with tags , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2014 by Sam

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I have been saying this for years…monogamy is NOT natural. I am going to get a lot of hate email about this, but that’s totally okay, because this is the truth and it needs to be discussed.

None of us are “naturally” monogamous, and it doesn’t matter whether we were born a male or a female – we weren’t born to be “naturally faithful”. We were born with the purpose of pro-creating, therefore, it is “natural” to want to have many partners.

While I will agree that women have the tendency to practice monogamy much more skillfully than men, we struggle with it, too. Come on, let’s keep it real…what is the innocent, “natural” flirting we women do all about? SEX for pro-creation!

To be clear, I am not saying that I condone infidelity in a relationship or marriage, because that’s far from the truth. What I AM trying to help people understand is that: 1. It is NATURAL to desire the member of the opposite sex and 2. Monogamy is a CHOICE…it is not natural! It is a choice you decide to make every single day when you wake up. I said this in another post – some days it will be easy to stay monogamous, and some days it will be hella-hard. But it can be done.

I’m just tired of unrealistic expectations that some people have. We live in a real world with real and “natural” feelings/emotions, desires, wants, and needs. But we CAN control our feelings – we can control ourselves. What we cannot control is other people, and it is unfair to attempt to do so via manipulation. And I am confessing that we women are very guilty of that kind of manipulation against men. We need to stop. It’s wrong and it’s not fair.

Look, the bottom line is, be honest. Be forthcoming about your needs and desires in a relationship. If you can’t be faithful or if it’s a bit of a struggle for you, what’s wrong with admitting that? Men are guilty of not being completely honest about their needs – not that I blame them, because we women can react pretty strongly to such topics. But being forthcoming gets you either two things – an understanding partner willing to work with you, or a partner who places demands and expectations on you that will be difficult for you to meet, which will always lead to problems and possibly the end of your relationship/marriage.

My point? As I wrote a few paragraphs ago, let’s start T A L K I N G with each other about this. It’s a start.

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Why Women Sleep With Men on the First Date

Posted in Dating, Let's be progressive on June 11, 2014 by Sam

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Edited on 6/16/14 to add: This post is for people who claim to be seeking a relationship. This does not apply to people looking to casually date; totally different, and sleeping on the first date is, of course, appropriate and allowed if that’s what you’re seeking!

I was talking with a girlfriend of mine the other day, and we decided that over the age of 35, when a woman sleeps with you on the first date, it’s for two reasons only:

1. She’s securing a future with you because she can see that you are financially stable (this goes for broke women as well as women who have money/a good job/career).

2. She has low standards and/or possibly low self esteem.

Look, we aren’t judging. We’re simply calling it like it is. And what this is is quite simple. It’s subtle MANIPULATION .

When you reach a certain age, it’s not JUST about sex – you can get sex anywhere, any time as a woman. So when a woman meets a man and she’s interested in a possible future with him, there’s no reason not to take it slow and get to know him, make sure you truly like him, and make sure that he reciprocates the feelings BEFORE sex. Unless there’s a hidden agenda – you’re in a hurry to get married, have children, have someone take care of you, etc.

We’re not calling women “WHOR-Ena” (this is a “Sam-ism” and is pronounced hor-eena) when we say “low standards”. We recognize that the modern and common trend is to sleep with a man right away to secure your spot. But if you’re secure in yourself and who you are – if you value yourself, you can wait. How many men will you have to sleep with on the first date before you realize that this is not the way to secure your future with a man?

Please remember that we are speaking of women over the age of 35. And, of course, there are always exceptions – sometimes the chemistry is just right and things happen – people even end up married. But this is not the norm. So, ladies, take your time, and men….you were warned, so B E W A R E of that first date sex!

Interesting note:
100 men were polled and asked if they would keep dating the woman if she had sex with him on the first date. 90% of the men over 35 stated no, they would look at her differently, while 10% said yes-if the chemistry was there and they clicked in that way immediately, they would continue to date her, stating that this was much more rare than the norm.

Protected: He Treats Me Like a Queen

Posted in Dating, Miscellaneous on April 14, 2014 by Sam

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H a p p y V A L E N T I N E ‘ S D A Y

Posted in Miscellaneous on February 14, 2013 by Sam

I can’t apologize enough for my absence and neglect of this blog. It’s not even that I don’t think about writing because I do…..constantly. And I am going to make it a part of my schedule to come here and write. Today isn’t an extraordinary day for me (as it is for others), but it does give me some pause for reflection: I love writing. And I shouldn’t allow other things in my life to get in the way of that. So I need to make time for it. And I will.

Today isn’t an extra-special day because I believe in showing the people whom I love and care about how I feel on a continual basis. And I have mega-love for the person in my life, but there is a love that is far greater than any other thing, place or person – I hope you all don’t mind me sharing (below), but you know…..this wouldn’t really be Sam’s blog if I didn’t get spiritual every once in a while! (smile) Happy V a l e n t i n e ‘ s Day, my loves!

V a l e n t i n e s Day

Protected: F a l l i n g like B e e t h o v e n

Posted in Miscellaneous on December 23, 2012 by Sam

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Blog Update

Posted in Miscellaneous on December 7, 2012 by Sam

I have been very busy with life since I’m back on my feet and feeling better after my liver resection.

I’ve written a post or two but nowhere near as much as I used to write, so…back to writing! And I have lots of thoughts to write about! (laughing)

I’ll post some over the weekend.

An Extra Special T H A N K S G I V I N G

Posted in Miscellaneous on November 22, 2012 by Sam

This year, I have so much to be thankful for. Actually, I always have a lot to be thankful for, but this year I’m very grateful to be able to write that….to live it/experience another holiday. Just a few months ago, I didn’t think I’d still be here now.

I love where I am in life – I love how grateful I am for simple, small things that I took for granted. Like being ABLE to take an Argentine Tango dance class – able as a verb. I don’t even get annoyed with miserable cashiers or government employees anymore – now I smile at them and say, “You must be having a rough day – I hope it gets better.” It’s something I used to say, but I would say it sarcastically…now I say it with sincerity. And perhaps that’s why when I say it now, I always get a smile. Feels good.

Life is too long to live it without happiness, and too short to live miserably. If you’re reading this, you have L I F E. Live it. Experience it. Feel it. Love it. Be thankful for it. Live with absolutely no regrets.

I’m thankful that I have followers and people who actually enjoy what I write. Happy Thanksgiving my loves!

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