Archive for the Miscellaneous Category

Trump, The Election and Men Dating Who?

Posted in Dating, Miscellaneous, My Thoughts on Current Topics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 9, 2016 by Sam


We had a fight. On election night. Over something trivial and petty, something that typically hasn’t happened, especially since we reconciled two months ago.

It was 10PM EST, and some results had come in. Unbeknownst to my significant other, I was beginning to feel that lull in the pit of my stomach that something scary was about to happen. Something that could change my life.

But how do I explain that to him, this man whom I love, who is not only white, but just doesn’t “get it”? Even though he overcame a racist upbringing, has been married to a woman of color, and has bi-racial children…he still doesn’t “get it”. And no matter how much he may love one of us, including ME, he never will understand:

1.How it feels to be a WOMAN in this seemingly misogynistic world.

2. How it feels to be a black woman (“well traveled”, “educated”, “upper middle class”, “mixed”and in the words of Beyonce, “Becky-with-the-good-hair”, be damned…none of this matters when you are born highly melanted).

3. How it feels to be black in this country, the United States of America.

4. How it feels to be black.

5. Black.

Why doesn’t he get it? How could he not know that my frustration in the grocery store, trying to find something to eat was not about food? How could he not know that I was beginning to implode with FEAR? Defeat? Hopelessness? He sat right next to me and watched the polls; could he not hear my internal screaming? “No! Please, God, NO. Not Trump. I’ll give anything for a Romney now if one of the other candidates can’t make it happen!” Couldn’t he feel my worry? Not just for myself, but my father, my brothers, my friends, my family? My worry about HIS CHILDREN? Weren’t we supposed to be in synch with one another? Yes, I was wrong to pick a fight, but doesn’t he understand WHY?

Maybe I’m “too black” for him. Maybe I’m just too aware. How can I not be about something that touches my life (less often) or the life of those I love (more often) on a daily basis?

Is it that, for SOME, that this “privilege” is so embedded that they suffer from “racial arrested development”? That even when you can love a man or a woman of color that you simply do not have the ability to understand our insecurities that are founded in 400 years of prison followed by fifty plus years of division, in which we are still barely fifty years separated from?

Doesn’t he love me enough to “get it”? Does love have anything to do with it? Tina?

Can this be fixed for ANY couple going through these kinds of uncertainties and pain the day after without deep, introspective, brutally honest conversations?

I don’t know.

But…I also don’t have the privilege of “getting” what it is to be white, either, and I never will.

Gentlemen: if you are dating or married to a person of color (Black, Latina, etc.), a person who is of a different culture or faith (insert Muslim here) today, make sure to hold her, tell her you care, and that you support her. That you stand with her. Even if she is being silent. Your hugs, words, and support are so needed right now – she needs you to be understanding…right now. Talk to her – ask her if she is okay and how you can support her. Watch her glow…and then melt in your arms.

As for the next few days and weeks, I know we will all come together.  In the meantime, there’s a new flick out about an interracial marriage and how they fought to be together in the 1950’s, and won in Superior Court – this law stands today. Yes! All is not lost, with hope. Maybe he and I can go see it.

And then talk.



9 Years Ago Today…

Posted in Dating, Miscellaneous with tags , on August 28, 2016 by Sam

Couple Kissing at Sunset — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

…I washed my hair that morning and put it in a high pony tail where the tail flowed all the down to the area of my back that lies between my shoulder blades. I wore a black skirt with a white flower embroided on the thigh. My  form fitting tank top and blazer matched the white sling back pumps with black heels I had on my feet. I sprayed “Hypnotize” by Dior into the air and walked through it…then looked in the mirror. The pink glossed lips on the make-up free face of a young lady whom anyone would have thought was 21 years old looked back at me. But I wasn’t 21. I was 31 and in love: the glow of love, and the happiness that emanated from that fabulous love was my fountain of youth.

With a nod of approval and a slight smile, I turned to grab my pocket book, walked through my front door… I practically skipped over to my SUV. I jumped in without hesitation to make the 4 hour drive.

I drove all the way to my destination without stopping, singing songs like, “Is This Love” by Bob Marley on the way, my hands slapping the steering wheel in rhythm; head dancing along with my body.

And then I arrived in his town, at his job…both for the very first time.

Quickly, my lover came to greet me. He opened the driver’s door and I stepped out  to stand face to face with him, or rather, face (mine) to chest (his).

He simply smiled and looked down at me with his dancing brown eyes. He did not immediately say anything. I smiled back. And then he said, “You are a beautiful woman.”

I hugged him and thanked him, squeezing him with all of my gentle might- my arms around his waist and my eyes closed tightly…I kept holding on. I didn’t ever want to lose that moment.

What both of us didn’t know then was that it wasn’t what I was wearing or how I did my hair that made me pretty or beautiful or a goddess, as my lover frequently called me. It wasn’t the youthful genes of my mother and her ancestors flowing through my veins. It was something my grandmother said to me that morning as I visited her.

“I don’t know who or what that man’s name is, but you have to keep him.” I asked her why. She answered, “I’ve never seen you look as beautiful and happy as you do now. Never, ever. But every woman should look this beautiful at some point in her life and not just on her wedding day.”

So to the man who gave me that stunningly beautiful day where I believed I truly was beautiful and completely loved for who I am, as you looked through me- beyond the shallowness of outward beauty and into my soul: thank you for August 28th, 2007.

The love of a good man really can change you inside out…literally. And positively.

The Good Girl Guide Books

Posted in Miscellaneous with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 25, 2016 by Sam

Since so many have asked, I wrote a book…yay! You can find information about it on my website: Good Girl Guide Books .

Of COURSE I l o v e L O V E!

Posted in Miscellaneous on June 17, 2015 by Sam

You all know that I believe that friendship is a necessary part of a relationship for it to work on a long-term basis. While we don’t tell one person everything, your spouse/mate has got to be the kind of friend whom you CAN tell everything to, the one person whom you are not afraid to be yourself with and the one person whom you are not afraid to tell intimate things about yourself – you can be, and want to be vulnerable with them and doing those things come natural with this person. Love alone doesn’t cover those things – while being in-love is a great feeling, you need friendship to go with it. Perfect example…my father always says, “Your mother is always my friend even when she’s not behaving like my wife.” I can’t make it much simpler than that!

Being in-love makes you feel good, gives you butterflies, makes you anticipate being together, makes you daydream and fantasize, makes you feel desire, etc. Add friendship to those intense feelings, and you will also want to talk with this person when you hear good or bad news, you will want them when you need to be comforted- being friends with someone you love brings you back to them over and over again, and you never give up on them. It’s a rare thing- finding that particular “oomph” and/or chemistry that brings both of those dynamics into a relationship AT THE SAME TIME, but when you have both of them with someone, NOTHING and NO OTHER HUMAN BEING can compare.

*Jan 19th, 2012

Protected: He Treats Me Like a Queen

Posted in Dating, Miscellaneous on April 14, 2014 by Sam

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H a p p y V A L E N T I N E ‘ S D A Y

Posted in Miscellaneous on February 14, 2013 by Sam

I can’t apologize enough for my absence and neglect of this blog. It’s not even that I don’t think about writing because I do…..constantly. And I am going to make it a part of my schedule to come here and write. Today isn’t an extraordinary day for me (as it is for others), but it does give me some pause for reflection: I love writing. And I shouldn’t allow other things in my life to get in the way of that. So I need to make time for it. And I will.

Today isn’t an extra-special day because I believe in showing the people whom I love and care about how I feel on a continual basis. And I have mega-love for the person in my life, but there is a love that is far greater than any other thing, place or person – I hope you all don’t mind me sharing (below), but you know…..this wouldn’t really be Sam’s blog if I didn’t get spiritual every once in a while! (smile) Happy V a l e n t i n e ‘ s Day, my loves!

V a l e n t i n e s Day

Protected: F a l l i n g like B e e t h o v e n

Posted in Miscellaneous on December 23, 2012 by Sam

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