Fighting-Breaking Up…Is Your Relationship Worth Keeping?

Staying Together

Part I – Is the Relationship Worth Keeping?

Are you shaking your head “YES” to at least 7 of the following:

1. You have fun together

2. Your Partner is One of Your Favorite People

3. They still have the ability to give you butterflies

4. You’re both communicating

5. You’re open with each other

6. You’re willing to work through any/all problems

7. You’re not attracted to anyone else (yes, you can still find people attractive…but do you feel an urge to PURSUE the attractive person?)

8. You can be yourself

9. You can grow together and you both can learn things from each other

10. You actually don’t really want to be WITHOUT them in your life in some way – it would hurt if they couldn’t be a part of your life

Taken from the article: Is Your Relationship Worth Keeping

Part II – Fighting

Fighting with your partner can be difficult, nerve-wracking, and stressful. Unfortunately, even the nicest couples we see who we think get along famously…they fight, too. It’s inevitable: two people with two different personalities, life experiences, and needs/wants are entwining their lives – it’s not easy, especially if you’re over 35 and set in your ways. Let’s not forget all of the possible “drama” you went through with relationships prior to that age!

Here are some tips to help with fighting:

1. Frequency doesn’t matter – but how you deal with each other AFTER the fight is what counts. Don’t be spiteful, don’t keep grudges or malice, just let it go…it’s not worth it, it only causes additional stress – both emotional and physical.

2. Some people date/are married for 3 years and hardly know one another. Some date for 3 months and know more about each other than a couple married for 1 year! Use that knowledge – embrace what you know about the person that is good…remember what made you fall for them in the first place – those qualities are still there. You can build on that. Do you two laugh at the same things? I find that sharing the same kind of humor can work wonders for a relationship.

3. Don’t always try to “win” an argument. This isn’t a contest..this is your relationship – would you rather win the argument and lose your partner? When I fight with my mate, I always tell them, “I don’t care about winning and I don’t care who is right – I just want to get along so that I don’t lose YOU. So I will take the blame – put it all on me if you need to- that’s fine.”

4. Give them space if they need it – sometimes we don’t know when someone needs space and time, so it’s equally important that if that is what you need, share that.

5. Don’t give up. The first 2-3 months of dating are the honeymoon period. Starting in months 3 or 4, the real person comes out – you were probably initially dating their “representative”. You may even argue more…stick it out…it’s just like a marriage – after the honeymoon period (the first few months of marriage), you’ve got the “make it or break it” years ahead of you. It’s not easy and as we know, 50% of couples fail/get divorced. But try your best to hold on through the tough times. The federal government did some co-habitating and divorce research a few years ago – they found that the couples who weathered it out and stayed together after a barrage/series of difficult times and fighting, when they were past the hard times, they were a STRONGER couple. If you think about this logically, it makes perfect “common sense”, doesn’t it?

6. Don’t be so rigid and unforgiving -always give your partner the chance to make things up to you if they’ve wronged you – if they’ve recognized their error, sincerely apologized, and asked you to allow them to show you how committed they are to being a BETTER partner to you, how could this go wrong? They will either mess up again, or they will step up and treat you even better than they did in the past; my guess is that if there is genuine care, they WILL be better.

If you try to do all of these things, I think it’s a start at attempting to create a better relationship. And if you end up breaking up? Just go to number 5 and/or 6…anything to get to the “make-up” part, which, believe it or not, does wonders for you mentally, emotionally, and physically. The morning after the make-up, the sun ALWAYS shines brighter….you made it through the storm…TOGETHER.

“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to UNDERSTAND. We listen to REPLY.” – Rabbi Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin


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