Should I Give Him/Her Keys To My Place?



This question recently came up in a group I follow. I was VERY curious to know the answer and when I got it, I was VERY surprised. Before I tell you what the popular answer was, I’d like to give my own personal opinion.

I have NEVER given my keys to ANY man! I lived with my ex for 6 years, and when we broke up after year 6 and he moved out, I had the locks changed. He tried to get in once and called me…he was angry that I had changed the locks, but what did he expect? We were no longer a couple/no longer living together! We got back together the following year and he wanted to move back in – I said no. He asked for the keys, and I said no! We eventually got a new place TOGETHER, and then we both had keys. I had learned my lesson in that 6th year – no keys to my house if we’re not married or living together! And, I certainly won’t ask you for keys to your house. Shortly after we moved back in together, I realized I was still feeling resentful about what he did and I broke up with him- I really wasn’t ready to reconcile. However, I told him I wasn’t leaving and that he could stay…we became “roommates” – he was sleeping in the second bedroom and paying half of the rent and half of the bills…he still had the keys; this was an exception to my rule. He worked really hard to earn my trust and we ended up reconciling and stayed together for another 5 years.

I will admit that once in my life, I HAVE given ONE man keys to my place. I felt that the reasons to give them outweighed the reasons not to give them. My reasons were:
1. We were in a long distance situation and there were times when he came into town while I was still at work.
2. I REALLY trusted him; not an easy thing for a man to get from me!
3. I wanted him to know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter what, he could trust me – I welcomed him to come over any time at a whim, because I wanted to SHOW him that he could trust me- my house was always open to him. I would say, “If you come over, just call, text or email me and tell me you’re in my bed and I’ll be right over!” Lol.

But you know what? I won’t do that again. I’m not playing house with anyone. If we’re not married, if we’re not engaged, NO…no keys. The only exception would be if we lived together and I mean – both of our names would have to be on the lease or the deed! The only OTHER exception to this would be if we owned some investment property together – and we wouldn’t be living there, so it would never pose a problem; hey, sometimes an ex can make a good, savvy investment partner! I’m all about making money!

So to go back to the discussion of “should I give him/her keys” or “when should he/she get keys to my place”…I think the answer will surprise you just as much as it surprised me. Just when I thought we were living in extremely modern times, a whopping 70% of men and women (equally divided) said that a partner should only have keys if you’re married to them! Can you believe it? The other people said only if you live together -that was the remaining 30%. Their reasons? Oh, they had some GOOD reasons as well as comments:

1. One man said, “I have a 12 year old daughter and two teenage sons. How is that going to look – this woman is not my wife and she’s opening our front door with her own key to come in with my kids in their rooms. What kind of message am I sending my daughter or my sons? And I don’t want her playing step-mama because my children have a mother.”
2. Another person said, “What happens if/when the relationship doesn’t work out or comes to an end and you can’t get your keys back or the person refuses to give them back?”
3. One woman said, ” If I think he’s grand enough to have 24 hour unlimited access to me, he better think I’m grand enough to be his life partner = wife!”
4. Many men said, “When she has my last name.”
5. Funny comment from another man, “Until we’re married & you’re helping to run our place. Before that my place is MY place. When I leave, you leave, and take all your %#*ish with you. Don’t leave no socks, earrings, make up, nothing behind, trying to be slick.” Lol. Funny.
6. Another woman said, “When both of our names are on the lease or we’ve signed the 100 documents at closing….and we are both contributing equally to all of the bills.”
7. The men were making me so proud – so many of them with children were really thinking about them- fiercely protecting them – dare I say more than the women! One guy said, “If you have kids like I do, better not give ANYONE your keys as you may have given the next Ted Bundy or Zodiac Killer free access to your home.”

There you have it. The general consensus is to not give keys unless you’re married, the exception being if you’re co-habitating. As usual, please let me know your thoughts. And I didn’t forget I owe you guys another post in the “Cheating Series” – check in later tonight or in the morning for an update!

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4 Responses to “Should I Give Him/Her Keys To My Place?”

  1. i gave my BF keys early-on, it was just easier. my dog barked like crazy when the bell rang & if he got out of work before me, he’d go walk the dog. I never gave it much thought & he’s since moved in. If i had kids or roommates – it’d be a different story. But i think if you’re dating a guy & you can’t trust him with your keys….. you’re probably dating the wrong guy.

    • I agree that if you can’t trust him/her, they shouldn’t get the keys. Personally, I’ve been there, done that, and don’t wish to do that again – with or without children, unless I’m married or living with the person – there’s no reason for it in my opinion. Thanks for commenting. šŸ™‚

  2. Girl you are one tough good woman… The kind most men need to be on their toes.We men take a lot of things women do for us for granted….. All for love…

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