A Lesson in Cheating: BE HONEST!

It’s an oxymoron, isn’t it? How can one be honest when cheating is DISHONEST? It’s possible. Let me explain with a personal story.

I met a man through a hobby of mine – it’s a hobby that is much more appreciated by men than women. He and I became acquaintances, and because of our shared interests, we bonded. Eventually he asked me out to dinner – a “date” type of dinner. He has “girlfriend spranklins” on him (that’s a Sam-ism), so I ask him if he has a girlfriend. He answers, “Yes, but we aren’t getting along well and are on the verge of a break-up.” He really could have stopped speaking after he said “Yes”. I laughed to myself and then I asked, “If you have a girlfriend and she is expecting exclusivity and commitment from you, why are you asking me out on a date?” I won’t tell you his answer because although it was flattering, it was a lame excuse. I try again by asking him a different question, “Tell me why you would choose to go out on a date with another woman BEFORE breaking up with your girlfriend if it’s really over between the two of you. I’m not saying I WON’T go out with you and I’m definitely not judging or criticizing you, I just need to understand where you’re coming from.” Again, I get a lame answer, so I say, “Okay – I have to go, have a good night.”

URRGGH. Why do men do this? Why do women do this? I mention this conversation to a friend of mine and we both laugh and shake our heads and agree on one thing: Damn, if you’re going to creep, just be honest with chicks – we dig that!

Now, before I continue, let me make a disclaimer. I have an old post in which I discuss affairs, and I mention how I feel about girlfriend/boyfriend relationships; I will repeat it and I will add something to what I wrote: I respect marriages and engagements. If a man or a woman tells me they have a girlfriend/boyfriend and they are serious to the point where they are looking to be engaged or married to the person, I will respect that relationship, too. But a regular ol’ GF/BF? Eh. I will explain the “Eh.” Since I’ve turned a certain age, I have a new philosophy about dating: If *I* have a boyfriend, I will not stop dating other men. I will not sleep with any other men-that will be reserved for him only, but I won’t stop going on dates from time to time. Why? Because until he makes it known to me and the world by not just telling, but SHOWING me that he is committed to me and the relationship – that he wants to build a future with me, and that means by marrying me or we’re at least engaged, then I’m NOT off of the market. PERIOD. So, that is what I meant by “eh”. And that is why I would have entertained the idea of going on a date with a man who has a girlfriend. Obviously, their relationship isn’t over. Instead of him telling me the real reason(s) WHY he felt like he wanted to step out on his partner, he tried to flatter me. Don’t flatter me – I get compliments often, I don’t need that from you – I need honesty! Tell me something reasonable! Tell me you’re not happy but you’re not ready to call it quits yet. Tell me you’re not sure she’s the one so you’re still keeping your options open and don’t want to break up with her until you’re sure. Tell me we’ve been friends for a long time and no matter how hard you’ve tried to fight it, you can’t help feeling attracted to me. Tell me that you love your girlfriend but you don’t have any passion in the relationship – you don’t plan on leaving her, but you need passion in your life, etc., etc. These answers are all HONEST. And there’s nothing sexier than a man who is honest as honesty is the consequence of confidence! Being kinda geeky and smart will get you some cool points, too, but I digress! (laughing) Another thing about telling the truth from the door – there aren’t any surprises and everyone knows exactly what they’re walking into…or away from; lying always has consequences that catch up with you….eventually! Tell the truth, and let the chips fall where they may. And to you men out there: a lot of you have this belief that women can’t handle the truth. You’re wrong in many cases. Next time, try giving one of us reasonable women the truth for a change and see what or where that gets you!

So, there you have it – if you’re going to cheat and you’re going to tell the person that you’re married or involved- take it a step further; at least be honest with yourself about the reasons why you’re doing it so that you can in turn be honest with the person you’re planning on “cheating” with if they ask – some people don’t care, and those men/women won’t ask. But at least be prepared – your answer just might get you the result you’re looking for.

Another disclaimer: I’d just like to say that if your name is I d r i s E l b a or D a v i d B e c k h a m, you don’t need any explanation(s) for Sam (you probably don’t need one for ANY woman)!


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