Love Letter – Pause for R e f l e c t i o n

Well, Love Letters is almost done – the last LL will be on Sunday night. Interestingly, just like LL 27, that date is also an ironic date – I’ll tell all in the last Love Letter on Sunday, May 13th. Oh, wow – that’s Mother’s Day, too!

I wanted to pause for r e f l e c t i o n because the last few posts were very happy.  I wanted to take some time and reflect on those happy times and discuss what it meant to me and why I think this story deserved to be in writing – I will discuss the latter in a future post.

I had been in 2 serious relationships prior to this one, and one of them lasted for 12 years. I was actually engaged to the man I lived with for 12 years –  I probably could have made a marriage with him work if I wanted to settle.  I had a comfortable, secure, stable, predictable life with him.  It was so stable and predictable that if I was in my study group and it was getting late, a friend would say, “Hey – it’s almost 6, don’t you have to go home to make dinner?” Everyone knew that I do NOT miss my 7PM dinner date with my partner at home. Our apartment was the place my friends and his friends came to for dinner, or to crash if they were drunk – we were the quintessential, reliable and predictable couple, and it was nice. But, I didn’t want to settle. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t love him or the life we had because I did – living the white picket fence life was my ultimate dream. Being honest, he was more than likely a rebound as I had just broken up with my ex-husband a few months before. Being brutally honest, it was really a 12 year break-up because even though I loved him, somehow, deep down inside, I knew my mother was right – I knew he wasn’t the man for me and I spent many years fighting what my mother and my gut knew; sometimes, you just don’t want your gut to be right: I wanted that relationship to work, especially because my marriage had failed.  I bring him up in this LL series because one would think that a 12 year co-habitating relationship had a great impact on my life.  And as you all can see, it did.  But when held up to the relationship I had with MIC, it paled. That relationship had a greater impact on my life.

It had a greater impact because of the origin and foundation. I wasn’t looking for anything at all, and I found love.  And because I wasn’t looking for anything, I was free to be ME, just like I was with anyone in my life, such as a family member or an old friend. And then MIC and I became friends. Then genuine care came out of that friendship. We had many deep conversations and we had a special kind of friendship well before we slept together. When physical intimacy became a part of the relationship, it was like a seal  – the friendship we had, the emotional connection, the chemistry….all of that was heightened when we became physical.  The fact that we were friends who accepted each other just as we were and emotionally bonded before sex was the difference; I had never experienced anything like that. It’s amazing to me that two people from completely different parts of the world and with different cultures could become so close…though I do think the fact that I was raised in the US helped. And…I understood him. It was a joy to have all the private little jokes between us that no one else understood, like Weezy, like Socialism, line PC, like the “frog thing”, like Red Beans and Rice, like…..”MIC”. That’s all Sam and MIC talk.

He never thought it was true, but at that time, he really WAS my very best friend. And I was hella, stupid, crazy in love with my best friend; I certainly can’t speak for The MIC, but for Sam, that’s what makes the previous 27 posts so wonderful.

See you tomorrow night.


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