Love Letter 25- T e x a s

After MIC’s birthday and meeting my mother, we were still celebrating “us”.  Our relationship was good and it was solid, he was my best friend, and I cherished the friendship that we had; it was special. We had yet another trip coming up, this time to the Dallas area.

He was sick in the days leading up to our trip, and the night before, I ended up getting sick and missed my flight. Somehow, the flights worked out and I was still able to meet him at the airport in Dallas. We checked in and then I immediately gave him an ear flush –  I didn’t need anything, it seemed that whatever was ailing me the night before mysteriously disappeared. We went out and we watched NFL while drinking and eating.  The rest of the trip was the same as usual – we did some work together, we rode around in his rental listening to rap music, we went out for drinks, etc.  We went to the same place for lunch everyday – a Mexican restaurant – the food there was to die for! Which is why we ate there everyday! Lol. The food seemed to be authentic Mexican food, the waitress would stand by our table and make fresh guacamole – I mean, she was grinding the avocados! I think lunch was the highlight of our day.  During the week MIC cooked dinner twice but we also went out; we had dinner once at the restaurant right down the street from where we were staying, and we sat in a booth  – I sat right next to him as opposed to across from him, like I usually did.  Another night we went to a chain restaurant – which is something we never did: Macaroni Grill.  Bad choice. Lol. We went to the movies to see “Benjamin Button”.  He thought it was depressing, I thought it was a good romantic/love story, regardless of the “reverse aging” factor. We vegged out in our suite and watched “40 Year Old Virgin” together – drinking and laughing…I started to fall asleep towards the end, but made sure I woke up to, well….you know….

And then we had a fight. This one was bad.

The reason it started was because I was trying to sleep and he was on his laptop pounding away -loudly – like he always does and I got annoyed about it.  But….this is the first time I am actually admitting this to ANYONE….that’s not what I was really annoyed about, it was just an excuse.  I was upset because the prior two evenings, including that one (making it a third night), he would step out of the room at 10:00PM and make a call on his cell phone. It was something he hadn’t done in months, and he was doing it again. It bothered me deeply – I didn’t know what to make of it, and I felt like the “reason” those calls were being made was going to end up interfering with our relationship.  So, instead of telling him how I was feeling, I picked a fight.  In my defense, I didn’t feel like I had a legitimate cause to gripe about him going outside to make a call – it was really his choice to do that, but I had my insecurities and fears about him doing it – it almost seemed like a warning to me about the status of our relationship. So, yes…I picked a fight and it was awful.  He was so angry – he kicked me out of his room. I told him I wasn’t leaving, and he started kicking my luggage towards the door. Instead of being infuriated, I thought this was hysterically funny.  He didn’t. Let me explain: it made me happy to see him doing that because he never used to express his anger, and I know that he needed to do that.  He had so much anger bottled up inside of him that I think our fight was able to allow him to express that anger.  So, my laughing was actually relief. Relief that he was finally letting his anger out. I know he wasn’t happy about how angry he became, but I think it was cathartic for him: he needed that. We both ended up saying some mean things to each other, and some things he said, were just too much for me to bear – and he was kicking me out. I have dignity and pride, so about the third time that he told me to leave, I packed my things and left. The people at the front desk were gone so I had no one to ask about the area, and my cab was taking forever. I didn’t want to call MIC, but I sucked it up and called him to ask him to look in the yellow pages for another cab- it was late – after midnight, and I had a headache, I was crying, and I was exhausted.  He came out to talk with me and tell me to come back inside since it was late.  I refused.  He told me to leave, and I had had it – he could have told me to sleep on the couch, but he told me to LEAVE. No way was I going back. I cried very softly while he quietly repeated that it was late and he wanted me to be safe and that I could leave tomorrow. I finally gave in-he grabbed my suitcase and we went back inside.

I have no idea how what happened next happened, because he clearly wasn’t in that space, but I seduced him.  I really did – I don’t know why, but I just needed to have sex – right then in that space and time, and I did everything, he didn’t have to do anything but lay there. We didn’t spend the next day together, and my intention was to leave and stay somewhere else, but before the evening rolled around, we made peace.  But, when we said goodbye at the airport, I could tell he was saying goodbye in a different way.  And then he was quiet. So, I asked him about it and he said we were over.  He was very upset about the fight we had. I can’t blame him for that – it was pretty bad, and I think I fueled that fight because I was so angry and hurt about those late night calls. I never told him the reason why I picked a fight, but maybe one day, he’ll find out and he’ll understand why that night happened. He decided he didn’t want to date anyone, he didn’t want any title of any sort, and he wanted to be celibate.  I supported his decision, even though the decision made me sad.  I wanted him to be happy, and if that’s what he needed, I was willing to give him that. It took about two weeks of us talking through things for us to get back to normal. Personally, I think the celibacy thing did him in. Lol. Back then, he had way too much testosterone and too high of a libido to make that work for long.

Before I knew it, it was Valentine’s Day, and then I decided to treat him to a trip to our favourite place – N e w  O r l e a n s. I don’t think we realized that would be our last trip there together, so in many ways, it was great that it was going to be a trip that was 100% a vacation- no work at all; I was beside myself with joy about that, and also  wondered how it would be, to be with him without his work in the midst of things.  That last trip will be the next post. In Love Letter 23- Peace and Love in N e w O r l e a n s, I forgot to mention that we went back to Philadelphia before New Orleans.  It was just for one night, but we had so much fun – we stayed in the same place we stayed at when we had that “special night”. From beginning to end, he showed me a great time  – from kissing and groping me in the elevator when I first got there, to the night time when he walked me across our room while giving me pleasure…..with the Swan Memorial Fountain directly in our view, and then behind us. He knows how to have fun….just like I do, and in that way, we were a perfect match.

If I don’t have tonight’s post up in an hour or two, it will be up first thing in the morning. Quote of the night:

You are my best friend and I’m so grateful to have you in my life.  Thank you for loving me, thank you for being my friend, thank you for being the man you are – you make it easy for me to love you. ” Sam to The MIC.


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