Love Letter 23 – P e a c e and L o v e in N e w O r l e a n s

Over the next few weeks, I think The MIC was going through something. I’m not sure what it was , but it had an impact on us. He broke up with me again.  I still kept my promise and during that time I went out of my way to give him some money for our Europe trip we had taken the year before; it was expensive, so I wanted to help as much as I could.

He came to pick the money up and we hugged.  He looked sad.  I’m not sure what was going on with him so I didn’t know how to help. I just made sure to make myself available whenever he wanted to talk.

As time went on, we discussed going to N e w O r l e a n s together again in a few weeks as he was going there on business. It was decided that I would meet him there and so I went ahead and booked and paid for my flight. And then we had a fight. This fight started because I saw him on a dating site. And, not a regular dating site, it was a site to “hook up” with people. When I saw his photo, my stomach got all tied up in knots and I felt like I was going to throw up.  I felt so many different things when I saw him- hurt, sad, disappointed….inadequate.  So, I asked him about it, and he said I was on there, too, and that I was the one who told him about the site. While that was true, my friends and I had a dummy profile there and we would all use it to look at photos – I wasn’t there to date or hook up with anyone MY picture wasn’t there for anyone to see.  I didn’t ask him to remove his profile, I only told him that I was uncomfortable with him being on there.  He told me that he wasn’t going to allow me to manipulate him into coming off and that his profile was staying there.  I was deeply hurt by that but there was nothing I could do about it.  I started to wonder what it was that I wasn’t saying or doing that made him feel like he had to be on there.  Were we not having sex enough? Was it not as good between us as I thought it was? Okay….that’s it- it had to be that either I wasn’t enough for him or I didn’t satisfy him. I thought to myself, “but that makes no sense, I told him it would be okay with me if we brought someone else (a woman) into the bedroom with us as long as we chose together.” I just didn’t understand and I was hurting.  He told me that no one owns anyone.  And while that is certainly true,  I thought we had a relationship and I thought there were boundaries.  I was wrong and I just had to deal with it or not deal with HIM.  So….I dealt with it.

He didn’t want me to meet him in N e w O r l e a n s anymore.  We talked on the phone the morning he was leaving and I couldn’t help it, I cried.  And I cried. I still wanted to go. He told me he didn’t like how I was being manipulative so he didn’t want to see me. And then he was gone.

Later that evening, he text’d me to ask me if I was okay and to tell me how awful his flight was. I think they had some bad turbulence.  We chatted for a bit and then he told me he wanted me to come.  But only if I promised not to start any fights. I gave my word that I would not do that. Two days later, I met him at our favorite cottage. I sat outside on the steps with my luggage and waited for him to walk over from The Quarter. He looked happy, and that made me happy. We hugged, he grabbed my bag and we went inside.  And, yes, we had make-up sex. And then he went back to work, and I stayed behind to make dinner.  He wanted pasta, so I walked over to the grocery store and bought some things to make my special chunky tomato sauce…from scratch, of course.  He returned, we had dinner, we went to our favorite strip club, we came back and relaxed in the hot tub. We had a GREAT time there – not one fight. Just fun and happiness the entire time.

The last night we were there, I walked over to join him in the hot tub and sat on the ledge.  He came over to me, positioned himself between my legs, and rested his head on my chest. I leaned my head down to kiss the top of his head and then rested my cheek on top of it while he held me around the waist, still laying his head on my chest.  He seemed melancholy, so I asked, “Babe, what’s wrong?” He looked  up at me with his beautiful brown eyes that looked at me so lovingly at the time, and he explained to me that he didn’t ever want me to think that what he felt for me wasn’t love. I told him that even though I had doubts over the past few weeks, in that moment, I knew he did.  And I told him I loved him, too.  I got down in the tub with him and we hugged each other very tightly.  It was nice. The memory of that trip will always be with me….good times and love. I was happy again.  Actually, I was…..ecstatic.

See you tomorrow night….I don’t have a particular quote this evening, but I would like to say that genuine love makes anything possible.


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