Love Letter 21 – A n n i v e r s a r y

Everything was going well in our world, and a few weeks after MIC came to see me, he was on the road again. This time it was without me…he went to spend some time with his folks.  I didn’t expect to hear much from him during that time, but I had forgotten how thoughtful he was: he went out of his way to stay in contact with me while he was away.  He emailed when he could, and he even called a few times.  I think I’ve already mentioned that he has a great voice, and I’m not saying that because I loved him….I’m saying it because it’s true. And I loved hearing his voice in my ear, especially just before going to sleep.

Our one year anniversary was upon us and we decided to celebrate in P h i l l y. We were excited about it, especially because we had a new found understanding over the course of weeks leading up to the big day….I looked over some notes again to make sure I remembered things correctly, and I had completely forgotten an important conversation we had: we discussed having a child together. It was brought up by me at the time because it was something I wanted to do and felt very strongly about it.  He didn’t say no automatically, instead, he wanted a very detailed and thought out plan from me as to why I thought it was a good idea. Now that I remember that discussion, I have to give him props for that because he was very fair.  He basically said, “Okay, you want this particular thing, and I don’t think it’s the best idea, but I also don’t think it’s a terrible idea.  Tell me why I should do it and I’ll consider it.” Remembering that today is making me see something new about him that I didn’t pay attention to before – I didn’t see it so I didn’t appreciate it: in this and in most circumstances, he listened to my needs and desires, and even when he didn’t agree with them, he was always willing to listen to my case and even be open to changing his mind. I don’t know what you ladies out there think about this, but I know what *I* think, and clearly, this was a man who was fair, sincere, and compromising, while holding onto his own beliefs and ideas at the same time. That is an awesome quality to have and speaks volumes about his character; I don’t know many men like that. To be quite honest and frank, he’s the ONLY man I know who was (don’t know if he still is) that way. It’s making me appreciate what he gave me back then even more.

I got to P h i l l y and I actually brought work with me. None of it got done on the first evening because we had talk catching up and sex catching up to do….and it was our anniversary, we were celebrating! The next day, I finished it my work just in time to get ready to go to dinner with him in Mount Airy. He had bought me this really cute fuchsia cocktail dress that you can wear in seven ways, and I wore it that night, and he was also looking dapper in a shirt and tie. I think we were a very handsome couple…and I really mean that, I’m not just saying it. As always, the restaurant was very nice because he chose it. But….we got into a fight. It was my fault. Things seemed to get better when we went to a bar and had some drinks- the tension seemed to dwindle down and we were good again. But then we ended up getting into an even bigger fight.  It was awful. I don’t even know how we had sex the next morning, but we did. What was so *right* with us that not even a bad fight could stop the ‘bidness’ from going down? Lol. I apologized profusely about the fight and acknowledged it was all my fault.  He accepted my apology but things were still a little tense – he seemed wary of me. My friend TLC and I went to visit him….things were still tense for him. I wanted to make up, but he was aloof. One night after my friend went to sleep, he and I went out for drinks. We sat on the steps talking until late and I wanted him to come in my room with me to make up but he was not in that space.  I was sad, of course.  The next day, I asked him to come over very early in the morning to get in bed with me.  He said he’d think about it.  I promised I wouldn’t come on to him. He did come over, and I DID come on to him – not that I didn’t try to stay away, because I swore to myself that I would behave. Before he got there. And then, when he got there, I just couldn’t help it – there is something about being around him that just used to get me going.  I can’t explain it and I spent a long time trying to figure it out and I just couldn’t – it was what it was, and that’s it. I somehow managed to get on top of him and was laying on him…the rest is history.  We had a second anniversary about something special that was the next week and we had planned to spend time together in Washington, D.C.  But he began saying that he wasn’t sure he was going. I told him I still wanted to go with him but he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. I was angry, I was sad, I was hurt, because I knew all of “this” was still about the P h i l l y fight. He finally said no, he’s definitely not going. In hindsight, I think he was also going through something but wasn’t talking about it, but I was too focused on my own hurt and pain about the D.C. trip at the time. I want you all to pay attention to what I’m about to say: in relationships, sometimes people fight, sometimes  we get hurt.  But when you love someone, it’s important to listen to their cues so that you can know when you might need to fall back and give that person as much love as you can with your silence; stop bitching, be quiet, and be supportive of the person – even from a distance if you have to. That is what *I* should have done instead of being wrapped up in my own, “But I want to go to D.C.!”thing.

There was a little bit of a rough patch at the time, and it was only rough because I was being selfish which lead to him doing something he shouldn’t have done.  However, armed with hindsight, I actually understand (I can’t BELIEVE I’m saying this!) why he did what he did. We ended up coming out of it okay – I’ll let you know if we end up going to D.C. and all the the other things that happened in the next post.  Don’t start worrying and sending me, “OMG – are you guys breaking up?” notes.  Lol. We were just fine, I promise. (smile)

See you tomorrow night.  Quote:

The only thing I want is you. The other thing I want is honesty – please always be honest with me even when you think it’s going to hurt me or it’s going to be uncomfortable for you to tell me – I promise you that if you do that, I will respect you and love you more than I already do because I already accept everything about you; nothing you tell me is going to make me leave if you don’t want me to go.” Sam to The MIC.


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