Part I: Oh, you thought he was committed to you?

Listen up, ladies (and gents)! There’s something you need to understand about relationships that many women are not getting:

Just because a man is EXCLUSIVE with you, it doesn’t mean that he’s COMMITTED to you. Get that? Better yet, do you know and understand the difference? You can have exclusivity without commitment. Heck, you can even have commitment without exclusivity (married couples who practice…..polygamy!).

Exclusivity means:

He is only dating you.

He is only sleeping with you.

You may or may not have a title (boyfriend/girlfriend, life partner, etc.).

THAT’S IT. Shocked?

Commitment means:

You are integrated into his life. I can expand on that if need be, just ask.

You’ve met some of his family and some of his best friends, and he’s met some of yours.

He will give your mom a ride to the train station since you have to work.

He will watch your 6 year old son Ryan for you so you can have a girls’ night out because you can’t find a sitter.

You’ve discussed the following in detail:

1. “Titles”.

2. How you feel about raising (or not raising) children.

3. Various topics about sex, sexual activity and frequency and you’re definitely compatible, or GENUINELY willing to compromise without expectations of any kind, including bartering or making it feel like a transaction!

4. You’ve discussed your finances and how they may or may not co-mingle. There is compatibility here as well, or at least there is a GENUINE willingness to make changes and/or sacrifices that is shown through behavioral change(s).

5. He’s made it publicly known that he is committed to you by either co-habitating with you, being engaged to you, or by marrying you – at the very least, he’s made it known that one of those things is a goal he has for the two of you.

Big commitment sign: If he doesn’t tell you that he is committed to you and the relationship, guess what? He’s NOT committed even though he may be exclusive!

You want to know HOW to get him to commit?

Don’t ask him to! Don’t pressure him! Don’t subtly hint at it, either! Don’t bring it up before or during dinner while you’re out on a date. And definitely don’t do it before, during, or after the horizontal polka! Don’t ask him anything about it at all. When he is ready to do it, he will let you know. Just enjoy your time with him, and (bottom line coming up) if things aren’t heading in the direction you want it to go in by whatever timeframe YOU have for yourself (and don’t deviate on this for ANY man – I don’t care if he’s God’s gift to women, your baby daddy, or he’s Drake’s theme song in your head: the best you’ve ever had! NO MAN IS WORTH CHANGING OR BENDING YOUR PERSONAL LIMITS FOR- let him change and/or bend to YOU-he’ll do it if he really wants to be with you without you asking! And stick to your time expectations whether they are 3 months or 6 months after being exclusive – the older you are, the SHORTER this time should be – hopefully you won’t allow it to go on beyond 6 months), as I was saying, if things aren’t heading in the direction you want them to go in by the time your personal time limit has come to an end, then….exit yourself from the situation. When he asks, and he WILL ask why you want to end things, BE HONEST. Don’t beat the bush, and don’t do a song and dance! Say, “Well, I was hoping that at some point you would want to be committed, but you never brought it up, so I decided to move on to make myself available for that kind of a relationship.” Guess what will happen when you say that? The man who wants to be committed to you will step up and do exactly that. And, if not, you didn’t invest a lot of your time in something that was not going to happen, and that means you will be a woman without resentment, who had a good thing going while it lasted, and you’re ready for your new adventure.

More ways to get him to commit coming up….hey…I told you guys I needed a break and that I would come back re-charged…so in the words of Kool Moe Dee, “How ya like me NOW?” (smile and wink). Part II tomorrow…or later if I get bombarded with “Don’t keep me in suspense!” emails.


2 Responses to “Part I: Oh, you thought he was committed to you?”

  1. Very nice, Sophia…….I like…..

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